10. His law school diploma is signed by Sally Strothers.
9. Her ankle bracelet, while stylish in a retro sort of way, has a built-in tracking device.
8. His name was added to the sign on the firm's door--with velcro.
7. Requested the retainer fee in unmarked fives.
6. Lots of quotes and footnotes in the brief she wrote, but they're all from Judge Wapner.
5. Delivers your tax return with assurances that he's "never been caught."
4. Right before your trial is scheduled to begin, he's led into the courtroom by two federal marshals.
3. Your Last Will and Testament looked okay, but one of his preprinted deposit slips is stapled to the first page.
2. The quarterly legal bill arrives on a 2-terrabyte hard drive.
AND, THE NUMBER 1 SIGN YOU'VE PICKED THE WRONG LAWYER . . .
1. Two words:
Congressional hearings!
